Blurry eyed and scarred thumbed, I have emerged from my hiatus to find that the world has gone to shit again. Seriously, I knew that some people really liked this blog, but I didn’t realize all this was going to happen! Holy cow, guys. I’m gone for, like, a month, and y’all done shit the bed!
COVID-19 is in full swing here in the good ‘ol US of A, and as I sit on my perch overlooking a scenic gravel lot just out side my apartment, I wonder how other people are handling the pandemic. Luckily, I have been able to keep my job and work remotely from home; so at least I have that to occupy my time. It’s funny, though. With all of the craziness going on in the outside world, you would think that a neurotic phantom like myself would be losing his transient marbles, but barring some expected stir-craziness, I think I’m doing really well. It’s odd to find that uncertainty has become an almost, dare I say it, comfortable place to be.
I’m not saying that to make light of anyone’s situation during these unprecedented times. Quarantines? Global epidemics? Toilet paper shortages? Lay offs in mass? Yeah, it’s all terrifying and uncanny. I think it has left a lot of people feeling naked and afraid; they are forced to confront and seriously evaluate not just our healthcare system but every other system in place that has buckled under the weight of all of this weirdness. I’m just over here scratching my stubble wondering what curve ball will be coming next, though.
Ico-Ico just doesn’t know when to let up, yeah? When I first had the lovely idea to spill boiling grease across my hand, I really felt like I had finally finished my trail by fire, pun intended. Honestly, I have no clue why I felt that way, but frying my hand really felt like some closure for some odd reason.
Yeah, I mean, I definitely sat alone in my hospital bed and cried for like a good half hour straight while waiting on the doctor, but when I finally got a game plan down, it really felt like things were going to be fine. I had been off my depression medication for a while. I had been on some really good dates. I felt closer to my friend group. My thumb had ostensibly risen from the ashes, taking the rest of me with it. I moved back into my apartment once renovations were done, and things had a sense of normalcy for the first time. My home felt like home. My life felt like my own. My thumb felt like shit, but ya’ know, ya’ win some and ya’ lose some.
Then COVID hit, and I literally laughed. I belly laughed. Of course someone ate a bat and started a worldwide scourge. Of course it is causing mass panic and going to cripple our economy.
Of fucking course.
Despite all of this, more so than any fear or hysteria, I feel proud of my fellow humans. I feel really inspired by the front-liners who go to work every day, getting coughed on and covered and all kinds of nastiness for the sake of our health. I’m humbled at the lengths that people have gone to in order to help the elderly or the underprivileged. When everything else started to come to a grinding, coughing halt, the engine of kind human endeavor was just getting primed.
My hat, were I to be wearing one, is off to you. You who are performing essential jobs, who continue to educate our children, who keep us safe from injustice, who provide healthcare to the needy truly, thank you. I had really bemoaned the details of how I wanted to return. My draft box is piled high with unsuccessful attempts to reemerge, but I don’t think there needs to be so much pomp and circumstance now.
In this time, we are all looking for distractions. We are all trying to get by and avoid going crazy with how cooped up most of us are (or should be). I’m going to work to make this place a little bit more lively in the coming days. More than anything, I don’t want people to feel so alone; that was the impetus for this blog in the first place. I wanted to build a platform where it was okay for individuals to feel lonely, to confront difficult feelings and situations with honesty and patience. Now more than ever I feel that draw to continue with this good work.
I have several posts already in the works, but if you have any questions, comments, or things you would like my thoughts on, just let me know! I’ve got some fun little experimental things in the works; so be sure to check in periodically! It’s good to be back, dear readers. It’s good to be a Ghost.